Strength in Friends

The following text was entered in October 2003.

    Well, as you have apparently clicked on this page, you obviously aren't all about goof-off, funny webpages. I had to put a link to this page because my life has been changed so much in the past weeks. Nine weeks ago, I was on a roadtrip with my buddy Ida and on the second day of the drive a large moose ran out of a cornfield right in front of the car. Needless to say, we hit it, and we hit it HARD, going about 60 or 65 miles per hour. The impact shattered the windshield and ripped the roof off the passenger's side of the car, killing the moose. I was sitting on the passenger's side at the time of the accident, so the moose and the windshield hit me. I am relieved to report that Ida, who was driving, came out ok with just a small cut above one of her eyes and some trauma to her right arm. I was not quite so lucky, having extensive damage to the right side of my face, whiplash in my neck, and a rib that was fractured where it connected to my spine. The orbital under my right eye was fractured, my lower jaw was thoroughly broken in two places, and the right side of my face was completely slashed up from the broken glass of the windshield getting pushed into it. Needless to say, I spent a couple weeks in the hospital getting sewn up, patched, and drugged into a coma to prevent the pain of my injuries bothering me.
    The injuries were unfortunate, but the point of me even sharing all of this terrible information is the fact that my mother and my boyfriend flew to Canada to be with me when the accident happened, and then once I was back in the hospital at home my dad, my sister, and all my good friends who were able to make it came to visit me in my room even before I was conscious. Ida stayed in the Canadian hospital I first went to, but she had to finish her trip to Massachusetts to go to school. I realized, once I was awake and adjusting to the accident I'd been subjected to, how much my family loved me and how much all of my friends cared and were effected by what had happened. The results of my accident have all proven to be rather positive, especially when compared to how bad it could have been. I very easily could have been killed by that moose, but instead I learned to value my family and friends more, and I got engaged to Will, the man who was my boyfriend when I had left on the roadtrip.

View my engagement page!

    So, in general, now I am happy and mostly healthy (some whiplash remains in my neck) and very VERY glad to be alive. And I am writing this page because I want to give a shout out to all of my friends that love me and were SO supportive to me and my family through this very difficult time. THANK YOU!

July 21, 2004

     It has been a while now since my accident, and you can almost not tell it ever happened. My hair has grown out considerably, my wrist and neck are better, and my scars are much smaller. I have braces again, but they won't be long term. In spite of the recovery evident on the surface, I am still effected every day by my accident. The mental changes have been astronomical, and, though I am now on 75mg/day of Effexor to handle the depression caused by the head injury, I still have spells of rage and depression that I think can only be healed through time and patience. I find myself consistently looking back at my time in the hospital and remembering what a difference it made to me to have so much company and love around. I still thank the friends who spent so much time there, just trying to keep me sane. Talk about a life-altering incident...

January 22, 2005

     I believe this page has become another journal on this website, and I intend to keep it updated for anyone who happens to check. The recovery has been slow and arduous, and I know that it is still far from over. As I don't remember anything about the accident until 2 weeks after it happened, I have had difficulty comprehending just how fortunate I am to not only be alive, but to have retained my faculties. I have been afraid in the year and a half since the accident that I would never truly be myself again since I have heard so many terrifying and sad stories about how drastically head injuries can alter a person forever. All I have wanted was to be myself again, just for my own happiness, the well-being of my family, and, most of all, for the health of my relationship with Will. He has stood by me through everything that has happened, and I have always been so appreciative of his love and devotion, but I have also been so afraid that in the end it would not work out. Through the months, I have worked to return to my care-free, laid back self that I vaguely remember being before the accident, but I had no idea how to do it, and Will and I were becoming more strained and unhappy. Then I switched from Effexor to Prozac, and my world has turned around. All it took was a simple change like that, and I am back! Will and I are completely back to our old way of interacting that was so fun and fulfilling and wonderful, I'm less stressed, I'm more happy, and I don't have the attacks of rage that I could not control! It turns out that Effexor has been shown to cause irritability in those who are on it, so I'm SO relieved that I switched.
     Another new development is that I just had another surgery on my face to work on the scars on my right cheek and chin. Basically, Dr. Wennen cut a large amount of the scars completely out of my cheek and stitched the gap together to make it into one, clean scar rather than many jagged, ripped scars. He also did minor revision to my chin to counteract the tension on my lower lip that deformed it slightly. For the moment I don't look great because my face is all swollen up and bruised and I wear a head wrap to hold the bandages and gauze in place (I tend to joke that it is a form of turban or something), but I have had no pain or even discomfort, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the revisions look when they have healed for longer. I probably will be getting the braces removed soon and the new tooth will be put in, so I'm getting closer and closer to my old self. I know I will never be there again 100%, but the effect of the Prozac has given me new hope for the future, and I have nothing but joy and excitement when I think of the wedding the the life that Will and I will build together! Again, thank you to all of my friends and family who have stood by me through all of this and provided me with endless support and love. I will treasure you always!

April 21, 2006

     And the recovery continues. It seems I am into doing pretty much a yearly entry into this as I keep forgetting that I have written all of this. All the relief from the last entry seems to have worn off to continued frustration as my mind still exhibits divergences from my previous behaviors and feelings. My self esteem is still suffering, and my self-confidence is prone to massive fluctuation. I'll feel healthy and strong one day, and the next I am drowning in an ocean of self-loathing, confusion, and depression. I am still on Prozac, which I think helps level things out a bit for me, but sometimes it is impossible to counteract the irritation and uncertainty that is plaguing me. And yet I must look at the positive side; namely, I'm alive and kicking, and quite physically healthy. My only real health issues seem to be psychological, and perhaps they will eventually resolve themselves. Who knows...
     At least college is done. I have my degree in Finance, and I am preparing to go back this fall and take another accounting class for work, so the celebration must remain short. At least it's not the continued fight for my degree. One class (two, if I go for Italian!!) isn't so intolerable, right?

February 15, 2007

I suppose my recovery continues (who really knows how long that will be true..?), but overall life is good for the moment. Will and I have completed our house, and so now we can start working on our marriage - almost 2 years into it. So far so good, though; we've made progress in working out some ongoing problems that we've had, and the relaxation we've had is already having a positive effect on our relationship. Now that I have time to go back to the gym, I'm sure my self-confidence will improve (it always seems to when I'm fit), and I'm continuing to work on my overall self esteem, etc.
Another positive in life right now is that I have a new horse to train, which sates the itch that I've had for a horse for the past couple of years, and will also help me get in shape. So, perhaps, consider this my entry for this year. Maybe I'll write again this year, maybe not! The suspense hangs in the air like an electrified noose!! haha whatever...

 

 

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